Boring Gurlfriend

Dear Old Knudsen

Hi, to cut a long story short i'm 18 and bored of my girlfriend, we've been seriously together for 13 months and she doesn't have anyone else apart from me.
I love her but she holds me back and i just don't feel attracted to her anymore and the sex is dull.
How can I let her down without hurting her or me? It seems like a catch 22 as I tried before and couldn't bear it so got back together. help is deeply needed!

John from Devon


Dear John

First you should go to a back bone shop and get yerself one. Introduce her to some of yer friends and maybe a three-way might make things a bit more exciting for you or just watch her shag one of yer mates.
Don't waste yer time on this gurl just get everything you can off her, you know, BJ's , Rusty trombones, Hot lunches on yer chest and Boob jobs and then dump her.
If you don't want to hurt her feelings then tough shit just use the old "I love you but I'm not in love with you" line, say you want to stay friends and then never call her again. Oh and make sure you get lots of naked pictures and send some my way like a good lad.

Like Totally Thinking With My Twat

Dear Old Knudsen

ok.... i liked this guy ever since primary school but then sometime in high school i met this boy in my maths class who is really nice and cute. then i started crushing on himbut then some girl found out and told him and he freaked so i didnt like him much anymore. then i started liking the primary school guy again and it went perfect until my ex-best friend told him that i like him(i told her when she was my friend) and he supposedly said that he wasnt interested. but i really cant trust my ex best friend.Then of all the things the guy in my maths class starts mentioning that he likes me and i am a good friend when we barely know each other. i dont know whether he likes me or not. but now i think i like him again.(he is still awfully cute) i like both of them though i dont know if the primary one really said he wasnt interested. my mind is so confused. HELP?!

Jenna Sussex


Dear Jenna

Tell this to yer parents and beg them to slap you, don't trust anyone, no even yerself. Then stop lusting after cock so much and study yer school work and get good grades. There is plenty of time to indulge yer sluttish ways and get pregnant when you leave school and get a good job, and go put some clothes on ya little tramp.