Depressing Boyfriend

Dear Old Knudsen

I think my boyfriend is very depressed..I think if I told him what I thought he would be very upset and angry.What do I do ?

Steve, Galway


Dear Steve

How the fuck can you have a boyfriend when you yerself are a bloke? oh shit I've got it now yer a poofter. Ok yer boyfriend is depressed because yer not a woman and yer Irish.
You can't do anything about being Irish but you can get yer boyfriend to a Protestant minister to pray for him and make him straight, if you loved him you'd want this as weemen are better in bed than men, or so I've heard.
It says in the Bible that God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve, he also made Lilith but that's another story. You should also get Protestant help, there is no reason why you shouldn't be trapped in a loveless marriage like everyone else I mean this is the 21 st century.